Skate like a Dutchman
by Little Miss Fangirl
Summary: Written for the NedCan Exchange on tumblr. Matt wants to try beating someone at their own game. Matt challenges Johan to a speed skating contest. Matt gets his ass handed to him. Oh well, at least he won't have to listen to Johan's gloating.


**A/N:** This years entry for the NedCan Exchange, yaaaay! You won't believe how many times I had to rewrite this before it finally turned out good. Still think it could have been better, but I like it. Hopefully Sarah will like it too. Hope you all enjoy, and excuse my weird sense of humor.

**Warnings:** Johan being a goofball. Matt being very serious about how to address maple syrup. A semi-sort of first person view. I wanted to try something different. Carlos is Cuba.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine. Praise your deities for that.

* * *

In the past few decades of me and Johan dating I had learned quite a lot about him. He needs a big mug of the strongest coffee in the morning to function. He cleans his entire house (or mine when he's there) every Saturday as he dances (and sings!) along to the music blasting from the radio. He only sugarcoats his bakes goods and doesn't take shit from anybody. What I find most intriguing though? He loves beating others at their own game. Loves it. You should have seen him when he won that world baseball tournament in 2011. Carlos was in tears for weeks after losing his first final in 25 years to a country which plays baseball for fun instead of for life and death like he does.

And being with such an outspoken, competitive, free spirited guy rubs off on you. I started taking my coffee without cream and sugar, I clean my own place now instead of waiting for Johan to come over and do it for me, and I even started to say no to people without feeling guilty! I haven't really tried the whole 'beating others at their own game' thing yet, because let's face it, I'm only really good at ice hockey, and that's my own game anyway.

Then it hit me. I'm not too bad at speed skating, and Johan is the best speed skater on the planet. Wouldn't it be great if I beat him at his game? Maybe even gloat about it in his face and rubbing it in for the next few months? Ohoho, I can picture it already! But to do that it has to be a special race. And I know just the thing.

* * *

"Okay, just to be sure. You're challenging me to a speed skating contest." He said, eyebrow raised in amusement.

"Yes."

"And not just a quick mile, but the full 202 kilometers of the Rideau Canal." And here comes that annoying, but oh so charming smirk of his.

"Yes."

"And what makes you think you can defeat me?"

"Unlike your place, my waters actually freeze over for people to skate on. You don't stand a chance." I said, crossing my arms as I stared him down, hopefully with a smirk just as confident as his always are. He let out a laugh at that before cupping my cheek and pulling me close enough for our lips to almost touch.

"Matt, you do realize that I'm the undisputed king when it comes to speed skating, right?" He whispered. Oh, such sweet torture to have those lips so close, yet not kissing them! But I can't let him get to me, I need to stay focused!

"Oh, I know. And that's why I'm doing it. Your ego needs to be knocked down a few pegs." I whispered back as I put my hands in his hair, playing with it. I felt his breath hitch for the tiniest moment before he regained himself. Ha! Gotcha. Two can play that game, mister. He let go of me, putting his game face on.

"Alright then. We'll meet at Rideau at 06.00 AM tomorrow. Grease up your skates, have a hearty meal, and get a good night's rest. You'll be needing it."

"Wow, getting pointers from the king himself. I feel special." I said, smiling. Johan smiled back, and leaned in to kiss my forehead.

"You are special, Matt. Never forget that." He said, petting my head. "And I'm totally going to destroy you tomorrow."

"Urgh, way to ruin the sweet moment, jackass." I said laughing, pushing him away.

"It's a gift. Just like this one." And with that he leaned in for a kiss again, one that lasted for a good minute before he let go and left to prepare. Time to follow his example and show him who's the true speed skating king tomorrow.

* * *

When I arrived at the skateway at 05.45 the next day I saw Johan already there. He was crouched down on the ice, letting his fingers slide over it.

"Trying to break the ice, are we?" I asked as I glided towards him. He turned his head and smiled before standing up.

"It's a good thing you're cute, because your pickup lines are terrible."

"They worked on you, didn't they?"

"Not really. I just got really tired of your stuttering and had to kiss you to shut you up."

"Ouch, my ego. Remember that talk we had about sugarcoating?"

"We agreed that I would only do that to you, literally. And with maple syrup instead of sugar. Which reminds me, I ran out of that stuff. We should buy some later."

"Don't call maple syrup 'stuff', it's The Nectar of the Gods and you will address it as such."

"Maybe when you beat me."

"Now I have another reason to whoop your ass. Let's skate!"

And with that, the two of us made our way over to the starting line. We agreed to start 06.00 sharp, and the moment it happened, we bolted. I had a quick start, and after a minute or so I looked behind me, where Johan was hot on my trail.

"How do you like being behind me?"

"I like it a lot, as do you if the noises you usually make are any indication," he said, with that stupid sexy grin on his face. I immediately turned my face forward, hiding the blush that crept on my cheeks.

"You know I didn't mean it like that, you horndog," I grumbled.

"Sorry Matt, but you set yourself up for that one, ahaha! But don't worry, you'll get to be behind me soon enough, and I'll make it enjoyable for you." He increased his speed and came up right next to me. "And by enjoyable I mean you get to watch my fine ass. Oh, and I do mean it in that other way too," he said with a wink before zooming past me, increasing the distance between us with every stroke of those ridiculously long legs of his. I felt my cheeks heat up again. I'm more comfortable with innuendo's than I used to be, and I do make my own every now and then, but God. That spikeyhaired jerk still gets to me. I shook my head and increased my speed too. We still have 200 kilometers to go, it's not over yet!

* * *

_**50 kilometers later**_

Oh God my lungs are on fire. Oh God I can't feel my legs. Oh God I'm seeing stars. Oh God put me out of my misery. Oh God I think I'm gonna faint.

And I was about to do just that when I felt someone catch me.

"So much for whooping my ass, huh?"

"?"

"How did I get here? After thirty minutes I had put such a huge distance between us that I already declared myself the winner, so I decided to hide out of sight and wait until you passed me so I could follow you and keep you out of trouble."

"…"

"I knew you wouldn't be able to keep going for the whole 200 kilometers. You're more of a short track guy, and those tracks end at 500 or 1000 meters, tops. I specialize in long distance, plus I have more stamina. And you know, I actually race this distance every year."

"…?"

"Didn't I tell you? We race an alternative Eleven Cities Tour in Austria when we can't hold it in Friesland."

"?!"

"You're an open book to me, Matt. I can understand your gasping. I'll call for a cab to get us home and make you some snert."

"… …"

"I'll pretend to have not heard that."

* * *

"Aren't you gonna gloat?" I asked him after I was done eating and handed him the empty bowl.

"No fun in gloating when everyone already knows I'm the best speed skater there is," he said with a wink. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah, thanks. That snert sure fixed me right up."

"The secret ingredient is luuuuuuuvvv," he cooed as he hugged me from behind and nuzzled my neck.

"I thought the secret ingredient was smoked sausage."

"Smoked with luuuuuuuvvv!"

"You're such a goofball."

"A goofball that whooped your fine ass, so there. And speaking of your fine ass…"

"What about it?"

"I feel like doing something to it, and the rest of you, besides whooping. You still have that stuff, right?"

"Dammit Johan, stop calling maple syrup 'stuff', it's The Nectar of the Gods!"

"I don't care what you wanna call it, as long as I get to lick it off of you."

"… I'll meet you upstairs."

* * *

**A/N:** And he did just that, they had plenty of fun, the end. And yes, he always understands what Matt tries to say, even when he's out of breath. Still can't write explicit stuff, sorry TT_TT.

Oh God I could have done so much more with this. And I somehow can't help myself, I keep on making Johan this silly, mischievous goofball. I guess I just get tired of seeing him portrayed as this uberserious guy who's funny bone broke. Same for Matt, I think I make him a bit too confident too. But I stand by my statement that you can't be together that long with someone without some of their mannerisms rubbing off on you.

Hope you guys had fun reading, and who knows, I may even try to botch up the other prompts too :P.


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